tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57159017228324662082024-02-20T13:39:22.362-08:00Lets Get One Thing Straight; I'm NotPhoebehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00528122378011120454noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715901722832466208.post-60285028652376252732012-04-01T19:00:00.000-07:002012-06-12T02:41:34.825-07:00I've Never Heard Silence Quite This Loud<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I spent all of Friday night online reading coming out stories,
lesbian blogs, LGBTQ websites, <br />and archived forums. As I was sitting in class
on Saturday (whoever the asshole is that scheduled a <br />college course on a
Saturday seriously needs to get fired) my mind was a million other places than
<br />the whiteboard. It took everything I had in me to resist the urge to jump up and run from the<br />building screaming. :( To be honest, I’ve never really been one for poetry so I’m not
sure how I ended <br />up writing a poem, but I decided to post it here because it
summarizes what I’m feeling pretty well.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">My mind’s always
racing, thinking about you<br />
My heart’s always longing, reaching for truth<br />
Gravity is with me, pushing me to<br />
So why is it my words can never break through?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">There’s always the
one word that would bring me to my knees<br />
I’ve spent all my energy denying it, hoping nobody sees.<br />
I wonder if it’s the ever present thought, over bearing with weight,<br />
Or is it my gut reaction, always filled with hate?<br />
The constant question lingering, wondering ‘why me?’<br />
Was I born this way? Did something happen? What made this be?<br />
<br />
After years of practice, I finally mastered the disguise<br />
Unbeknownst to everyone; it was built on shame and lies.<br />
I had everybody fooled, believing I was straight<br />
Little did they know, I was becoming engulfed with self-hate.<br />
<span style="display: none; mso-hide: all;">II think i</span>One word, one joke,
one careless thought gets spoke<br />
No matter the intention behind it, I always felt broke<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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</span><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">After so many years
of denial, I finally had enough<br />
When suddenly people can’t see passed my superficial bluff.<br />
The tables have turned, and I’m left here run dry,<br />
A constant reminder of change in the blink of an eye. <br />
I wish someone would speak up, just blatantly ask<br />
Praying for a scapegoat, anyway out of this mask.<br />
But they’re only respecting my privacy, playing along in my game<br />
Not knowing how loudly I’m screaming inside, with only myself to blame.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="color: #351c75;">lovelovelove<br />
-phoebs<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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Phoebehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00528122378011120454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715901722832466208.post-75552984343219447022012-03-20T16:30:00.000-07:002012-06-12T13:48:08.324-07:00<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;">I started this blog as an attempt to document my coming out
process and have a way to vent/express what I’m feeling each step of the way
while also having something tangible to look back on whenever I wanted to.
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<span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;">That being said, if <em>anyone</em> is actually reading this please feel free to
comment, share, or ask <em>any</em> questions you may have. I’d <strong>love</strong> to get feedback,
answer questions, or post about topics that may be of interest to anyone!</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F7F7F; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: background1; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">lovelovelove<br />
-phoebs<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Phoebehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00528122378011120454noreply@blogger.com0